36. Once upon a rhyme, a long rhyme ago…

i don’t remember any genie sitting next to me
but he gave me what i wanted. yeah, times three
because i wanted an adventure to stop me being bored
so be careful what you wish for as the genie brought the law
i had an outstanding warrant against my name
well, that’s what they reckon but for once i wasn’t to blame
they took me to the station without reading me my rights
then chucked me in a cell, where i was to spend the night.
i woke at half five with the light up on the wall
craving a cigarette and a ‘phone call
but still my journey wasn’t yet done
i felt like i’d been kidnapped and we were on the run
’cause they put me on a bus with my own private cabin
nothing spectacular, just a Group4 wagon.
i’d never been in a sweatbox before and
it was kinda scary when they close the door.
Mob Mentality?
maybe, who knows?
i could see the outside and my confidence rose!
so i scribbled my name on the windows and door
yea, i’d lost all respect for The Law.
i was dropped off in Ppeterboro’
magistrate cells
where yet again, my confidence fell
but the stop was a short one, little did i know
that i would be put in another wagon ‘n’ back on the road.
i asked a screw if he could tell me the time
let’s call it half ten for the purpose of this rhyme
we soon (ha) reached Grantham, south lincolnshire
at five past one where it became all too clear
i would have to wait an hour while lunchtime was ‘ere.
i felt like the Hurricane, from the old Dylan song
he was prob’ly innocent as-well, & made to feel wronged.
anyway, lunch had finished so they sent me my brief
at least he was Duty and that meant free
but nothing’s been free in my lil life and
the words he did tell me; they cut like a knife
’cause nothing’s been free for this little hero
my chance to get home was near to zero
so i went in the courtroom and told them this story but
left out the Hurricane because that woulda been boring.
i pleaded my case tho’ they didn’t seem to care
they said i could Go after i “sign here”.
but where could i go with no coinage in sight?
then i remembered my smoke and found a light
the coppers were stupid, i had it on me all of the night
and all of the day, so now i had to find a way
to get on home soil, my legs they toiled
with long quick strides, my thumb out by my side
hoping for a ride
putting one foot in front of the other
one car passes, then another
(red lorry yellow lorry red lorry yellow lorry
repeat after me)
it was such a hot day on the dual carriageway.
no water to drink but plenny of time to think
the snake was long, seven miles (i wish it was only 7)
this was becoming a marathon trial.
then i spied a lorry in a layby
twenny-two wheels and none of them moving
i start to jog, before i lose him
i guess you heard of the gingerbread man
well that was me, man, runnin’ as fast as i can
i knock his door and look up to his mirror
i s’pose he sees a funny figure
my luck got better and he tells me to jump in
which i do with an almighty grin.
on the move we’re moving swiftly
the closest he can drop me is in Alconbury
that’s not too bad, but it’s still not the Black Cat
he offers his ‘phone, i oblige and call the boss
to say “don’t worry, i aint lost”
the driver Paul, yeah, he’s quite cool
he’s on his way to the Isle o Grain
more accurately Thamesford, then he’s going Bedford.
which sounds quite good but you gotta be careful
nowadays it’s easy to go missing without a trace.
he talks of 3M where he’s gonna spend the night
i tell him i work there, just on the right
he can drop me there, if i choose
what the hell, what have i got to lose?

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