45. shitty song

Take the poor mans hand
Set his feet on dry land
Tell him to take a stand.
Before too long
Long after this shitty song,
He may win a gong
For his part in the masterplan.
He may become your biggest fan.
And may arise a brand new clan.
A brand new breed from his sick seed
Amassed from your good deed.
So take the lead;
Take a forward step, a promise told
Should be a promise kept.
i thought long & hard, while i slept:
If you give a drunk some change,
Do you think he will?
If you gave the man a chance,
Would he be drinking still?
If you gave the same man a job
Would he learn new skills?
Inebriated and inept
i abated and i slept.

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5 thoughts on “45. shitty song”

  1. A poetical monologue of scattered introspection with an effective raw phraseology. The hypotheses work very well as does the denouement. Very well done.

  2. thank you, this is another of my oldies 🙂
    phraseology is a powerful thing for me, especially if it rhymes (see A Dog Day or The Saint),
    i think the drunk that i referred to is a random stranger, helps to keep me humble,
    for my own part, i drink to be social, if i have to,
    otherwise i prefer a more natural product 🙂 hence introspection
    Thanks again for the deep critique, always valued 🙂

  3. Inebriated and inept
    i abated and i slept.
    -Great final lines, and I do like the verse you first used as a comment too.
    – I think this poem would work well as lyrics to a song. Perhaps you have a tune in mind already? Something… folksy with a peppering of rock’n’roll 🙂
    Thank you.

    1. ye i misquoted myself lmao, i’ve always wondered how singers can remember All their lyrics hehehehe apparently Ozzy could never remember his 🙂
      folksy with a peppering of rock n roll? sounds perfect! 🙂 i gave up thinking of a matching rhythm years ago 🙂 but then, maybe the music i listen to always finds a way into my lyrics:)

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