100.5 (new) Crisis of Confidence

i’m having a crisis of consequence
because this body
has kidnapped it’s soul for insurance.
my soul inside has the stockholm syndrome
and colludes with it’s captor smoking cannabis
to find the false nirvana that’s offered by kharma.
the accumulation of neglect of dharma.

stilted story

have i already said this? i can’t remember…
my grandad’s grandad was a Welsh Baptist
my grandad was a druid
me? well…
when i was growin up i thought i was a Pagan, the countryside belief, but which one?
i thought of Thor, Bel, Beli-mawr, Manawydan, Clothos and Atropos. Woden and Odinn, Frey n Freya and Frigg. (Odinn the original trickster, father of Loki who is his father’s son)
but none of them claimed originality, Odinn learned runes by hanging upside down from Yggdrasil, the resultant faint headedness showed him patterns on the ground that became runes, if you believe it 🙂
i was told i was CofE because we’re English, but i consider myself to be British or just plain old Human Earthling 🙂
life moves on.
the year my lil brat was born, i was cycling over thirty miles a day, the cash machine n supermarket was 10 miles away, my weed man was 15miles away.
anyway, one day in winter…i was cycling to a supermarket, uphill n down dale,
feeling sad because i wasn’t spending time with Floyd nor my mother-to-be.
the wind was fighting me at every step, even going downhill i felt the wind almost stop me.
i told myself it’s only ten miles, less than an hour of pain, the wind will help me homewards.
i did the shopping n hopped back on the bike, half a weeks food n dogfood on my back to find the wind still in my face. Bastard.
halfway home, enough was enough.
i fell off the bike by a layby, jumped over the hedge for a piss n spoke with God. Okay i was a bit sweary hehehe, fukkin ell God whadaya want of me?!?! stuff like that. 🙂
i made a deal with him; stop this wind and i’ll read one of ya books!
the bloody wind stopped. what do ya do? i pedalled home before it picked back up.
over the next month or so i re-read the bible, old n new testaments, it was hard work.
astrology isn’t advised but the three wise men followed a star 😉
the freewill of the Pharoah was hampered several times by a hardening of his heart.
i don’t wanna remember all the disagreements i found, there were some very good points like growing faith on nettles, stony ground or ripe soil 🙂 Saul becoming Paul etc.
but it wasn’t for me so i told God, i’ve tried, i’ve read ya book. i’ve kept my promise.
within a month, i’d moved area, everything was within a mile 🙂 cycling became fun again 🙂
walking through town, a stranger with a shaven head spoke with me.
he seemed to be explaining everything i couldn’t understand. i understood.
from that moment on i was hooked on learning more.
i bought £20 books for a pound each from him, i stole a book from the library.
it doesn’t matter if you judge me, i judge myself a lot harder than most do of me.
what i learnt is plain to see within my spiritual poetry.

100. (new) A Gift To Be Grateful For.

See what I have created,
descend and propagate it.
there is much to do, My chosen few.
prove your love of Me for I am you.
everything is for My reason and is realised in its own season.
try not to understand these manifold plans
for there is much to do.
have faith as there is nothing to lose.
you will experience desire, this is nothing new.
we’ve been here before, Me and you.
millions of mortal moments
between each of Brahma’s breaths;
you’ll get your chance to explore life and death,
light and sex and dark and depths.
but don’t forget Me, lest Brahma breathes deep,
for even hallowed souls must sleep.


i’ve been smoking cannabis since i was 15, not that i’m proud, it’s just a fact.
at first i got stoned faaaaar too easily as is usual, but i loved the smell n taste beyond the buzz.
as the years grew i started to love the buzz aswell. after a while i became just another smoker.
the reason i’m saying this is because the weed world has changed alot in the last 18 years.
the price has doubled even tho’ it’s not taxed.
as we grow and learn, we realise certain things, for instance, smoking isn’t really cool and it never was. but i enjoy it none the less and miss it when i’ve ran out (like now).
mary jane is a whore (not as skanky as her rivals) she only comes if you have money and her pimp is always there to make sure he gets his money.
cannabis is big business these daze, the war on drugs is becoming less defined because drugs don’t die.
a war on drugs is a war on people; and people die.
many otherwise law abiding people are criminals due to their lifestyle. imagine how it would feel if your favourite past time wasn’t allowed because some one thought it was naughty or smelly.
i don’t ban alcohol even tho everyone on a Saturday night stinks of cheap drink.
i don’t ban the homeless because they stink of piss,
each to their own as long as it doesn’t Hurt anyone.
make it legal so the money isn’t given to any possible terrorists
(a terrorist in this country is anyone who doesn’t agree with the politicians.)
there is a lot of propaganda from both sides of the camp, cannabis makes you mad, it helps keep you sane.
it helps you lose weight but so does heroin but that’s not a good reason to start jacking up hehehe
the Chief Medical Officer in England was sacked because his findings didn’t tally with what he was paid to say.
politics here is the art of deceiving the masses for the benefit of the minority (the chosen few).
we are now being told by pro-cannabis parties that smoking cannabis is healthier than tobacco and reduces the risk of certain cancers. propaganda is a zoot that can be toked by all sides hehehe
i don’t buy it. i believe that tobacco has more chemicals But…. whether we inhale tobacco or cannabis, incense stick or exhaust fumes, bonfire or chasing the dragon…no smoke is good for the lungs, it’s a fact of life.