(new) this and that

Parts one and two and three

have i neglected You?
a lack of Dharma brings Kharma calling with a cause.
have i neglected You?
a deficit of Dharma causes Kharma to come calling.
have i neglected You?
Kharma is efficient where Dharma is deficient.

do i treat You any different than You are used to?
constant Kharma takes its toll.
they say that ignorance is bliss.
but once kissed you can’t resist.
Misquote by rote;
“By My causeless mercy, all that you own shall be stripped away, that you may see Me.”

she’s eight, her mum chose her name, it’s a nice one 🙂
i got to choose her middle name, and in the maternity room, looking out the window during a quiet moment, i saw it out there in front of me, just as the sun was rising.
Her middle name’s April Blossom 🙂
i never expected to become a dad before the age of thirty, the norns weave patterns that we can’t always understand.
i especially didn’t foresee becoming a single father, after all, who does?
Lady Luck played me a strange hand during our child’s first birthday week, we split up each angry with the other and i had two choices in mind.
three months before i had met a Krsna devotee in town, after speaking and learning a little i bought two hardback books for £2 and
in one of them is the misquote i have shared with you.
i had a dream two months prior to this that warned of the same possibility of heavy loss.
so i had two choices; either accept the message and become a Krsna devotee in Watford, or, fight for the right to raise our child.
i spoke with my family and close friends who understand my eccentricities and they all agreed that i shouldn’t become the stranger that my own father is.
after a month i had made up my mind and met with her mum, reasoned with her, and she softened. 🙂
ever since, these last 7 years or so, i’ve been (sole) soul carer of our child.
people tell me that i must be proud but in truth, i’m scared of pride.
there is no time for pride, only time for learning and teaching and enjoying.
learning my short comings and strengths as a parent and man. that i may improve.
depression of all kinds is a common trait on both sides of my family, faiths of various kinds can be found in my mother’s father’s family, and i have inherited all this in abundance, so being a single father of a beautiful girl is a blessing unlooked for, an anchor in a sea of uncertainty.
she is learning about religion in school at the moment and as you can guess, i try to share my thoughts in a child friendly way. which on the whole is a success,
i tell her that nobody can know anything for certain.
but some people think this
some people think that
and i think the other.
even atheists are faithful, only that they haven’t put their faith in any god.
i want her to have her own ideas, which she does. 🙂
i want my child to become an adult with a passion for knowledge as opposed to ignorance, knowledge both spiritual & material.
she is about to start learning Polish during lunchtimes 🙂 lucky girl, i had to learn french, hehehehehehe.
i try to teach her things that are important to me, we go looking for wild fruits, i’ve taken her hunting, we’ve visited Open Forest days where you can plant saplings, cycled miles upon miles of quiet and busy roads, whether on my bike or her own.
we’ve camped by John Bunyan’s birthplace during the height of summer, only to survive a freezing cold thunder and lightning storm under a flimsy tent.
she’s endured the freezing cold walks from ours to her mums, the detours around flooded areas with more realisation than most adults,
she inspires me with her young thoughts. 🙂

chaos is in the pattern
that we cannot see


2 thoughts on “(new) this and that”

  1. You are truly an amazing TwinCentaur – double strength, double wisdom, double fight and love all wrapped up in one – I absolutely loved this post. So much so that I both FBed and Twitted it in the hope that it will bring a ray of sunshine to someone else’s day/evening/night too. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this. There is beauty, vulnerability and strength in your words. And such inspiring power too.
    If or when I become a parent, I hope I will have at least a decimal part of your wonderful ways. She is truly blessed to have you as a father, as much as you are to have her in your life.
    And did I mention this already? Loved Loved LOVED your post. 🙂

    1. Tanks Vic, definitely double the fear and feeling of vulnerability hehehehe which creates double the resolve and double the apathy, those damn twins with their subtle differences hehehe
      whoah, i’m a twitting virgin lol, thank you, because it’s a great compliment to be shown elsewhere, i’ve facebooked my poetry but it wasn’t appreciated by friends etc, to misquote the bible; “a poet is never recognised in his own home town.” 🙂
      Thanks again Vic, you kind of inspired Part2 due to one of our previous chats 🙂

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