Tag Archives: auto writing

while i didn’t pay the bills

i stopped paying my bills so that i could save for something i want.
the only thing that hurt was goin’ without internet for so long.
i found that i had to visit friends a bit more than normal, which is cool because i don’t visit people enough.
being a single dad living miles away from most sensible friends and family means i’m usually trapped at home of an evening, lonesome.
i didn’t realise i was lonesome until the internet and outgoing calls were blocked.
it meant no facebook, no porn, no youtube, no WordPress to read, nor being able to publish poetry if i write it.
so do you know what i did?
ye, ok, i watched telly a little but the stuff that i watch, mainly science and religious stuff, is getting a bit ‘repeatey’. there is only so many times i can listen to Michiu Kaku tell semi thoughtful people how he made an atom smasher as a teen and how we are all gonna be able to afford contact lens smart devices in the next ten years. (when i watch gadget shows, i know that i won’t touch those items until they are almost obsolete.)
so i started listening to music. not youtube as is my wont, but rather that almost obsolete bit of wizardry; the humble CD. and i started reading novels again.
i thought i’d grown bored of long story lines but found myself proven wrong.
Cell by Stephen King was fairly good, jus know that i would survive because i don’t currently own a mobile phone 🙂
the Dean Koontz book was ok but not his best by a long way.
Bernard Cornwell excelled himself as usual and i’m looking forward to his next instalment in the Alfred/Uhtred series.
i re-read A Clockwork Orange and could hear Malcolm McDowell’s storytelling narrative in much the same way as hearing Morgan Freeman’s voice while reading Rita Hayworth & The Shawshank Redemption.
considering the company that printed the version i read, there were faar too many typos.
and i re-read The Silmarillion by JRR Tolkien, that includes the tales of Beren and Luthien & The Children Of Hurin. two of the most thoughtful pieces ever written.
When the Hobbit films are finished, i hope Peter Jackson tries to make The Children Of Hurin, surely the best story Ever written, and i don’t say that lightly.
Children Of Hurin is a chapter within the tale of the Silmarills but after being expanded upon by his son Christopher Tolkien a few years back, the story is greater than the sum of it’s parts.

what if you were taken captive by a dark nightmare before the gates of his dominion? if you taunted him? would he make you watch from a high place with his eyes as your wife and children were afflicted by many tragedies, giving you a perverted viewpoint so all niceties look malign and evil mock sincerity to be taken for pity?

well, i’ve got the internet back now so my brief sojourn into the world of bound books is to be put on hold again. at least until the next time i choose not to pay the bills 🙂

aroundabout and neither here nor there.

sometimes i don’t know what to believe.
mushrooms taught me that Anything is possible and i truly believe that.
but that doesn’t mean that everything is probable.
things that are beyond our comprehension are still tangible in thought and dream.
let’s look at astrology.

i never used to believe in astrology, i believe a lot of things spiritually that matter in materiality but astrology? surely the planets and stars and moons alignment as seen from this muddy planet are coincidental.
i still believe that; which leaves me with a problem.
when my brother was in prison ( the first time) he told me of a book that confused him.
johnathon cainers guide to astrology. picture sample above is of the moon chart for december’79.
i was confused and enlightened.
astrology is frowned upon by Christianity yet the three wise men followed a mystical star 😉
most people in the old days would have had a reading at their child’s birth.

i understand it as follows;
your starsign is pretty much what people perceive of you, that’s why Mystic Meg can be so general in her newspaper astrology.
your moonsign, a lot harder to find out unless you know your time of birth, a lot less general than just which month, is more about your inner you, the signs mean the same, such as gemini stereotypes in the moon chart can be more fickle or double edged than their sunsign counterparts.

pair your sun and moon signs to get a more detailed version, for instance my sunsign is Saggi, my moon is Gemi, (EightLeggedGemini) both never really finish what they start, put them together and that makes me a lazy bastard. thanks alot astrology.
bastard thing. i don’t believe it but it tells me about myself as if it’s spying on me

there’s ya venus n mars signs aswell but blah blah blah, it was a good read when i read it.
i was mainly interested in the moon stuff 🙂
PS. did you notice that”neither here nor there” is a double negative that sounds pretty cool.

a little story

jus remembered.
when me and a friend pedalled to Felixstowe n back from Bedford, we camped on the beach inbetween the shore and the busiest container port in England.
we popped into the same beach front pub each day for a drink n to charge the mobile phone.
so we got chatting with the barman, he was amazed at our bike ride and told us of how he’d been in the army, was in the fire reserves etc and envied us our lil adventure.
on the second day he warned us.
“there’s an inland storm coming tonight, thunder n lighting.
it’s gonna be rough out there, maybe you should head back before it gets here.
i wouldn’ wanna be out in it and i’ve been in the blah blah blah”
he said something like that.
me n my mate, we looked at each other, half grinning probably.
well the barman went back to his duties and we supped up.
so there’s gonna be a storm 🙂 shit we are in for it.
how much weed have we got?
that much?
damn, we smoke too fast, let’s find a local…..
so we found a local, he’ll be back in an hour., then to the free water tap to refill the bottles.
we went back to the tent, made sure nothing was missing, fried some bacon n noodles with the Hexi stuff, talking about the incoming storm, were we gonna leave early?
“Fuck that!
we are gonna weather it and walk in the pub tomorrow morning with a grin on our faces!”

Yeah man!! let’s make a spliff.

adventures aren’t meant to be easy, and when i want one i always seem to get one.
(do you remember my poem of epic length about being wrongly arrested and having to hitch hike home?)

so we got stoned on the beach, met up with the local for some more (just incase, we’ve still got to get home yet.) and went crab fishing.
that evening we went to the old burnt pier, the wind was picking up wickedly as we played just meters above the frothy sea.
well, to be honest i’m a scaredy cat but it was cool to slowly walk the old black bare skeleton and hop its limbs.

the wind and rain and black sky made us hurry back to our tents a few hundred meters away.
all that separated us from the sea were some partial mounds that stretch lazily, intermittently along the beach. on the other side of our tent is the port of Felixtowe, a noisy never ending entity.
we made sure our tent was secure, our bikes out of the way. we made sure every thing was comfy and that we had a hot drink n smoke.
the thunder was growing, it felt different because we weren’t inland, it was magical.
especially when the lightning started.
we tried to stay outside for as long as possible, it was beautiful watching the lightning hit somewhere over Ipswich maybe 20miles away upriver. but it was steadily coming closer. 🙂
“well here it comes, like soldier boy said.”

we were loving it. our own true adventure, a hundred miles from home with only ourselves to rely on.
to be honest once it got serious, there was nothing we could do inside the tent so we jus laughed, joined in with the thunder, trying to hear each other above it, watching the blanket lightning paint shapes on the tent.
i’d only used the tent once before during lightning, by Elstow, an ancient village, so i knew that it would be strong. but how strong?
it seemed to hold up as long as we didn’t touch the sides 🙂 the tent was making some crazy shapes helped by the gale storm winds.
it felt like ghost cattle were stampeding over us for hours, buffeting the tent incessantly.
we took it in turns to occasionally re-peg the tent, we were losing pegs into the grassy sand so we started using our cutlery etc.
we were soaking wet, everything was soaking wet. luckily we’d ‘russian dolled’ our spare socks i think because they were dry later on.
we weathered the storm. the world was getting lighter. all that shivering makes me need a piss break. on top of the sea defence, i looked out onto the North Sea and watched dawn rise as she does every morn on the east coast.
we made noodles for breakfast, or was it tinned tomatoes?
anyway. we couldn’t wait for the pub to open so we went to a cafe to warm up, i’m sure we looked crazy hehehe.
the pub opened a little later to serve breakfast and we popped in for a quick one, the barman could see our wet selves, our bikes outside, overladen with wet intrepid explorer stuff.
his eyes said a million things that he couldn’t voice, we smiled, supped up, made a joint for the journey and set off for home.