Tag Archives: fear

a strange dream

i’ve been struggling lately.
moneywise.
just when i was recovering, i lost a pouch of tobacco, which isn’t expensive but enough to tip me over. saturday i survived on toast until i collected my daughter n ate her scraps at my mums house.
anyway. so theres me, ‘dying’ of lack of tobacco etc, waiting for today to arrive; payday.
you would think i’m dreaming of food or tobacco. but you would be wrong, i dreamt about a paedophile.
in my dream, me and my daughter are walking a nature trail when a tiger blocks the path up ahead, tigers presage stuff in my dreams every few years. so we turned around before the tiger could see us and we took a different path.
the path went past a lonely house.
the tour guide, some fat guy, said it was abandoned.
i didn’t know we had a tour guide till after the tiger.
we went thru a turnstyle i think.
i forget how i lost my daughter but i broke into the abandoned house to find the tour guide, it was as if he put the tiger on the path earlier.
i woke up. and fell back to sleep.
he had a trapdoor in a room that led past the tiger trap, some how i found it with him chasing me. anyway, i found my daughter safe, dealt with the tourguide and his minion and we enjoyed the long walk home.
i woke up.
the end?
i just went to my letterbox and found what looks like my lost pouch of tobacco (they all look alike) with a note saying it’s from my neighbour, David.
David happens to be on a paedophile charge but he doesn’t know that i know.
too many coincidences?
food for thought.

93. psalm from this sinner

i can’t sleep tonight
Hare Krsna Hare Krsna
something’s not right
Krsna Krsna Hare Hare

Jaya Hare Krsna
jaya jaya
Hare Rama

where are the devotees
Hare Rama Hare Rama
please god help me
Rama Rama Hare Hare

Lord help me love you
Hare Krsna Hare Krsna
He who is above all
Krsna Krsna Hare Hare

guide me with patience
Hare Rama Hare Rama
and sweet floral fragrance
Rama Rama Hare Hare

Jaya Hare Krsna
jaya jaya
Hare Rama
Jaya Hare Rama
jaya jaya
Hare Krsna

Hare Krsna Hare Krsna
Krsna Krsna Hare Hare

Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
GLB 23.2.9

81. Winter (new)

Winter is here, the season of fear.
Wolves have their proof,
Snow on the straw-roof.
Wet logs brought in,
The smoke and the steam.
Kill the aurochs to cure the beef.
There will be hunger
Before there is relief.
Hear the wolves just outside
As their howls and heckles rise.
They smell and eat the piss and shit
Of the shared mess pit,
Piss against our door.
Put fat on the fire,
We gift to the Gods,
Hope they hear us,
Or all is lost!

77. Gemini Moon. (new)

during the last hours of the final waxing moon of that decade.
less than a day from the fullness of it’s presence.
the gemini moon. as the sun ran with sagitarius.
these secret twins, am i allowed to change my mind?
this horse that wins, if fresh grass he finds.
the weighing scales say’d the same as the time on the wall in the maternity hall.
“those doctors told me that you would be backwards, i knew they were wrong”
if only you knew the truth, it doesn’t help nor sooth. let’s write a record in the insanity booth.

53. Self Doubt & The Song Of The Singer

This tail ‘tween my legs
annoys you like a dog that begs
lonesome dog
hear the howling wolf in me
whining for a bitch on heat
can’t sit still with wandering feet
i’m a lonesome dog
she returns my lonesome call
from behind her garden wall
i can see her master’s tall
i’m a lonesome dog.

i stare at the walls i stare at my floor
my furniture and kitchen door

sometime, i screamed at the sky
asking God why do i do these things
that bring pain, the sky fell with rain
and the wind fell silent with
omens of demons that i tried to hide from myself

“roll up roll up ‘n’ gather round if you can
here he comes with another masterplan
watch him work his wonders if he will
running in rondels around the mill”

feel like a fraud.
am not what i thought.
thought i was me.
or maybe i am,
unless it’s a scam.

“are you scared of what you’ve wrote?”
i don’t wanna think, get me off this boat

i wish i had the courage of my conviction
to live my life without contradiction