Category Archives: thoughts

auto writing

whaddo i want?
i wanna be an adult when i grow up.
when do i wannit?
when i wake up.
well, give me half an hour
to open my eyes
and prise myself from where i lie.
whaddo i want?
jus’ to plod along
and write rubbish rhymes and songs.
to smoke spliffs but not bongs.
i don’t want much.
jus’ more than i’m due.
sitting here stoned i appear confused.
peppered with apathy this pathetic poet.
apathetic poet
a pathetic poet
a prophetic poet this beast of a false priest of his own fleeced flock.
i know what we are and are not.
we are here for fun
where there are highs there are lows
my soul is stupid.
it knows what to do.
find the middle line there’s so much to lose.
everything to gain if i play the game of the sane.

Not Natural

i saw a poster on facebook concerning gay marriage and feel like writing my heterosexual thoughts.
starting with the argument of whether homosexuality is natural or not.
it must be natural for two reasons;
firstly, if a species over-populates an area, the nature of our planet (known as Mother Nature) is to regulate the population through a variety of means, whether through natural disaster, disease or through less babies being made etc.
the more gays and lesbians there are, surely the less babies will be made. i believe this is partly how nature works.
yes there seems to be more gays in the human species than any other but then we have damaged the planet more than any other species. so i believe this is partly a way that our planet keeps us in balance.
secondly; and more obvious to me; the fact that every creature on this planet is natural except for Dolly The Sheep that was cloned using modern DNA techniques.
so besides clones in laboratories, every single living creature was born of its parent in a natural fashion. therefore every single creature alive is natural, whether gay or not.
i saw another poster that says “every gay and lesbian was born of straight parents.” which must be true to a certain extent. they may have had homosexual feelings but were hetero enough to become aroused and make the gay baby 🙂
i must admit that the sight of two men kissing turns my stomach but i wouldn’t begrudge them their marriage. (why don’t i mind lesbians kissing?)
now from a spiritual viewpoint.
what if upon dying, we are reborn according to our past actions and desires? what if our past actions and desires don’t quite ‘marry up’?
a soul may be reborn bodily and yet not ‘fit its skin’ so to speak. may not feel comfy in its skin, hence there are men who think of themselves as women, women who feel like they are men.
(damn, what if schizophrenics have two souls inhabiting the one body? scary thought!)
i would like to mis-quote Jim Jeffries so i will 🙂
“if you don’t like gay marriage, don’t marry a gay.”
i haven’t always thought like this but then i’ve learnt alot during my soul searching on the subject of nature in its many contexts.

a strange dream

i’ve been struggling lately.
moneywise.
just when i was recovering, i lost a pouch of tobacco, which isn’t expensive but enough to tip me over. saturday i survived on toast until i collected my daughter n ate her scraps at my mums house.
anyway. so theres me, ‘dying’ of lack of tobacco etc, waiting for today to arrive; payday.
you would think i’m dreaming of food or tobacco. but you would be wrong, i dreamt about a paedophile.
in my dream, me and my daughter are walking a nature trail when a tiger blocks the path up ahead, tigers presage stuff in my dreams every few years. so we turned around before the tiger could see us and we took a different path.
the path went past a lonely house.
the tour guide, some fat guy, said it was abandoned.
i didn’t know we had a tour guide till after the tiger.
we went thru a turnstyle i think.
i forget how i lost my daughter but i broke into the abandoned house to find the tour guide, it was as if he put the tiger on the path earlier.
i woke up. and fell back to sleep.
he had a trapdoor in a room that led past the tiger trap, some how i found it with him chasing me. anyway, i found my daughter safe, dealt with the tourguide and his minion and we enjoyed the long walk home.
i woke up.
the end?
i just went to my letterbox and found what looks like my lost pouch of tobacco (they all look alike) with a note saying it’s from my neighbour, David.
David happens to be on a paedophile charge but he doesn’t know that i know.
too many coincidences?
food for thought.

a little thought

humans are strange animals, they confuse me.
a dear old christian american woman often posts Jesus photos, proclaiming that he died for us. i prefer the ones that talk of God than Jesus.
in any case, she also posts arguments against muslims, in this case about muslim stamps being sold in usa.
i’m confused because although there are many faiths on this planet, we are all humans (but not humane), created in His image.
so the whites, blacks, yellows and browns on this earth are all in His image, with his qualities, but because some terrorists are muslim, she is against all muslims, which i don’t think is very christian of her.
i have muslim friends hindu friends atheist friends and christian and catholic friends.
so far it would seem that the christian group and the xenophobes that are most angry. chill out.
my dog hates the postmen in my area, he thinks they are terrorists and they happen to be white, but he doesn’t hate all white people.
If there is a God, then only he can judge, Any decent God-loving person should understand this, no matter which faith they are of.
Isn’t everything within His wisdom?
is it the christian ethos that stereotyping should be practised?
i find it hard to believe that a xenophobe or severe patriot of any nation can be truly God loving, after all, i’m reminded of the christian verse that talks of removing the beam from our eye before trying to remove the smote from our brother’s eye.
none of us are perfect in this material realm.
we all have our mood swings and i’m no exception, we all have our misconceptions due to how we were raised and taught how to think, but if you have a faith in an all powerful deity of any kind, surely that faith should be extended to humanity aswell?
America isn’t the chosen land. nor is Israel, nor is India, nor is England. if Jesus did actually exist i’m sure he wasn’t a white boy.
i’m not English, i’m an earthling.
if i was an architect, would i make sure that the living room hates the hallway or kitchen?
Didn’t Jesus wash the feet of the untouchables?
why don’t christians follow His example?
didn’t He tell Paul that he would denounce Jesus three times around the roman brazier before the cock crows? was he angry about it? or did he not kiss him goodbye as a friend?
and on the thought of terrorists….once upon a time, English people terrorised the native americans, the Norse terrorised the Angles, Irish terrorised the English, English terrorised the Irish, Egyptians terrorised the mediterraenean, Grecians terrorised the neighbouring area.
Terrorists are not all born in one country, nor to one faith.

new thoughts

God is a friend
but He pisses me off.
what does He know of loss?
who am i to to question the cost?
i know the rules, he remains aloft.
the rules are simple, give up the game
of ups and downs and
pleasure and pain.
find the middle path.
it’s easy and hard.
you can’t quit whatever you never start.
we are here because we want to be.
to experience materiality in it’s entirety.
with loss comes learning.
with a lack comes yearning.
with lust there is burning.
Goodness. Passion. Ignorance.
the material modes that we know.
Eating Mating Sleeping Defending
Birth Life Death Rebirth unending.
with release comes peace, after a while at least.
a lust for life is the nature of the beast,
i am no exception, no matter what i preach.
and so, the three modes, they have me high and low.
The middle path, both light and dark but the rules are hard…
No gambling.
No intoxicating substances.
No murder (includes meat eating).
No sex unless we wish to beget God’s bless through holiness.
four little rules for misguided fools like me and you.
don’t worry, rules are made to be broken,
From a lack of Dharma may Kharma be spoken.

fragmented memory of a mushroom’s madness (new)

mushroom madness of yesterlife
come take me away
i remember your blanket of confusion.
ohh the laughs, the tears, the controlled chaos.
are you coming up yet?
“i don’t know, are you?”
i dont know, are you?
“hehehehehehehe i don’t know. why are you laughing :D”
i don’t know, but it’s funny. can you feel it?
“ye feels funny.”
i need the toilet.
“i’ll wait outside and go after, what does it feel like?”
the sensation of release is strange,
while my piss goes down, my body and mind are climbing.
aim for the middle, aim for the middle.
this lil room is getting brighter, as a swiftly rising sun.
as i exit the room i am stunned.
“don’t flush… are you ok mate?”
i sit on the stairs to soak up myself, realise who i am, am not.
how much did they put in the stew?
i’m guessing a few.
“no they put all of it in, how many carrier bags did you bring?”
two or three from me.
“she said she filled the pot, your brother had a lot.”
Liberty Caps that tapped into my brain.
cup after cup after cup
never the same again.
i was already a bit strange
but never the same again.
the bodily warmth and the emotional pain.
sensory overload as my eyes explode
hit by revelation and epiphany,
i could see what was in store for me
not literally but possibly.
they weren’t far wrong.
don’t look in the mirror lest you are revealed to yourself.
follow the creature through the caves if you are brave .
you know where you are, recognise the scars within the thin brain tissue from which you issued.
“do you know your name? Good.”
a mile of a while later…..
“Gary.
Gary…
GARY!!!
you gotta protect the girls
your brothers gone crazy. ”
my brother? let him in.
“no he thinks we’re all evil. pissed where he sat and stomped on your head.”
did he? my brother? he can’t have, i was following that thing through the caves.
anything is possible, many things are probable.
did you see that? oh it’s too late it’s gone now.
me? yeah i’m fine.
i’m fine…
i’m fine…
i’m fine…
“GARY!!”
huh?
who’s that on the telly? i thought we were watching The Wall?
oh, The Doors? ye it’s cool.
“You know the day destroys the night
night divides the day
try to run
try to hide
Break On Through To The Other Side.”
it’s hard to make a spliff like this.
“ye i been trying for an hour.”
heh it won’t take me an hour.
here told you i wouldn’t take long.
“did you put any weed in?”
i think so.
i’m going home, where do i live?
“you tell us so we know you’re ok.”
maybe i”ll sleep here, i’m fine.
“are you ok?
are you ok?”
ye i’m fine.

ramble in the jangle (new)

bhagavan badman i know what i am.
i jus’ wish i had the faintest plan.
some think i’m good, because they are bad.
some think i’m bad because they are good.
some think i’m crazy because it takes one to know one
or because i hide my eyes from their prying warped minds or sane brains.

i wish i had the courage of my conviction
to live my life without contradiction.

i’ll have a tin of tartan paint.”
said the sparse and spartan saint
who knew a thing or two about the blues ‘n’
this and that with a faith to match that was intact.

it’s easy being modest when we have fuck all
so wait and see when the curtain falls
who’s the clever ones and
who is the fool. only the meek will rule.
even those that have nothing have something to lose.
i call this the Ramble in the Jangle Blues.
nothing lasts forever i repeat to myself.
not in this material realm of His breath.
everyone fears getting put back on the shelf.

the shelf and yourself.

forever and ever amen.
but nothing lasts forever
if i can just believe.
wipe my dry eyes with a wet sleeve,
thankful my daughter isn’t here to see.
swings and roundabouts
what goes up must come down .
who likes to see a grown man down?
stand up and be the clown!
oh the grand family of Brown,
how they oft do like to frown,
and just as they reach for the top of the crop
they are beaten down again.

*don’t worry people, things aren’t as bad as they read. even if they are, life goes on 🙂 x